Air Force Dad
by MattPrice01
Summary: Inspired by author Bobby South and the great Seth MacFarlane, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show and American Dad come together with a 1997 film to make AIR FORCE DAD! Stan Smith is the President of the United States who must go up against terrorists, complete incompetence and a maze of never-ending chaos in order to save his family and stop the release of a brutal dictator...
1. Chapter 1

Family Guy, American Dad and the Cleveland Show present:

AIR FORCE DAD

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><p>I'd like to thank BobbySouth for this; he's done so many fanfics spoofing Family Guy and anything Seth MacFarlane with things like Wallace and Gromit and Toy Story. Here's my own version, using one of my surprisingly fav films of 1997: AIR FORCE ONE!<p>

Note: I don't own anything. Family Guy, Cleveland Show and American Dad belong to Seth MacFarlane, whilst Air Force One belongs to Beacon Pictures, Andrew W. Marlone and Wolfgang Peterson

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><p><strong>Cast List:<strong>

Stan Smith as President James Marshall

Stewie Griffin (with longer legs) as Ivan Kurshunov

Lois Griffin as Vice-President Kathryn Bennett

Francine Smith as Grace Marshall

Hayley Smith as Alice Marshall

Glenn Quagmire as Major Norman Caldwell

Peter Griffin as Chief of Staff Lloyd Shepherd

Roger the Alien as Secret Service Agent Gibbs

Carter Pewterschmidt as General Radek

Klaus the Goldfish as Radek's Goldfish

Donna Tubbs as "Future Postmaster General"

Chris Griffin as Andrei Kolchak

Holt Richter (taller) as Sergei Lenski

Jackson as the first terrorist to die (Boris Bazylev)

Terry and Greg as the second and third terrorists to die (Igor Nevsky and Vladimir Krasin)

Avery Bullock as National Security Advisor Jack Doherty

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><p><span><strong>Extras:<strong>

Steve (unseen), Snot, Barry, Toshi, Jeff and Cleveland Jr. as the HALO FLIGHT 1

Joe Swanson as Major Perkins

Tim the Bear and Cleveland Brown as the Ramstein Tower Commanders

Jillian Russell as Melanie Mitchell

Adam West as Secretary of Defense Walter Dean

Jackson (double), Sanders, Dick, Terry, Coach McFall and Horace as the HALO FLIGHT 2

Sergei Kruglov as Russian President Petrov

Brian, Mort Goldman and Rallo Tubbs as the Pilots

Carl as US. Atty. General Ward

Broderick Brown as the White House Communications Officer

Federline Jones as General Northwood

Mr. Waterman as Lt. Colonel Ingraham

Mr Hallworthy, Jeremy and Captain Monty as 3 Officers on the Pararescue MC-130 Hercules

Arianna the Bear as White House Switchboard Operator

Bruce as Colonel Axelrod

Lester as Agent Johnson

Duper as Agent Walters

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><p><strong>Characters that die on the Plane include:<strong>

Meg Griffin, Neil Goldman, Seamus, Angela, Connie, Jake Tucker (the death turns his face the right way), Stacy Tucker, Bob Tuttle, Debbie Hyman, Mrs. Richter and Kendra Krinklesac

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><p><strong>Also Appearing:<strong>

Dick Dastardly, Muttley, Zilly and Klunk as the Vulture Squadron

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><p><span><strong>Recurring Characters:<strong>

Tom Tucker as himself

Ollie Williams as himself

Joyce Kinney as herself

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><p>The Griffins, the Browns, the Smiths, Quagmire and the Swansons were all gathered in Joe's private movie screening theater. Whilst it was only really meant to show movies on DVDs or Blu-rays, Brian had managed to set it up to link in with a TV screen so they could watch shows as they were being broadcast. Tonight was the season première of the new Doctor Who. It was the first season to star Scotsman Peter Capaldi who had taken over from Matt Smith at the end of the 2013 Christmas special. And everyone who was there was hyped as hell.<p>

"Alright! Everyone been for a toilet break?" Peter shouted, clipboard in hand.

"YES!" came the unanimous reply.

"Everyone got drinks?" "YES!"

"Snacks?" "YES!"

"Ok..." he continued, but Lois interrupted. "Peter, don't worry! We've got everything! Just come sit down so we can start!" she insisted. Peter sighed, threw the clipboard away, though it somehow did a boomerang and crashed into his head. Rubbing his head, Peter sat down next to his family. Then the power went out.

"Oh, that's just great!" Quagmire moaned. "I don't understand, the connection's worked perfectly before. Could there have been a power overload?" Brian questioned. Joe looked through a periscope. "No, looks like the whole neighbourhood has been hit. We've got another power cut" he explained. Everyone groaned. "Now what are we going to do?!" Stewie exclaimed. "Anyone got any good stories?" Cleveland suggested. Peter thought, then was about to speak when Cleveland interrupted him.

"No Despicable Me". Peter thought again, but Joe interrupted him. "No Frozen". Peter tried again, only for Quagmire to interrupt. "No Wall-E. In fact, nothing Pixar, nothing Dreamworks, Nothing Aardman!". Peter gave him. "I've got nothing then" he admitted. Luckily, someone came to the rescue. "I've got something" Stan declared with a big smile and he went up to the front of the room. "What I'm about to tell you is a story of politics, mayhem on an unprecedented level, destruction, murder and non-stop edge-of-your-seat pacing. Prepare for a story that will leave you even more patriotic than you could ever claim to be".

"Like you're not already highly patriotic" Hayley said sarcastically. "Hayley, do us a favour; shut up or I'll replace your role in the story with Meg!" Stan threatened. Meg looked hopeful but Hayley quickly got the message and kept quiet.

"As I was saying, this is the story of the President of the United States of America..."


	2. Divide, Conquer, Capture!

Air Force Dad – Divide, Conquer, Capture!

**Note: I own nothing of the characters in this.**

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><p>Kazakhstan<p>

It was a dark, moonless night. Not a cloud was in the sky and the only thing that made the buildings see-able to begin with was street lights and floodlights. One particular building had not just floodlights, but armed guards on the roof, walking about. It was a large building looking like a palace, but you could tell it wasn't by the watch-tower and barbed wire fences. It was the home of someone brutal, horrible, uncaring. And his protection was about to be shattered.

For above Kazakhstan, strange things were afoot. It was hard to tell what was happening until white parachutes came into action. They were the parachutes of what appeared to be commandos, stopping them from falling straight to Earth and from the looks of their uniforms, half were American and half were Russian. As the commandos neared the ground, one commando, identified sorely as Major Perkins as his name was on his uniform, turned on a pair of sensor-goggles. He turned to his left and nodded. Without 5 seconds, the guards on the palace rooftop were suddenly shot at. All 10 guards dropped dead for unknown reasons as the commandos landed on the roof. Perkins had a look-around. Coast was clear. He turned to the others.

"Alright, lads. You've got one chance to do this. Screw it up and you'll pay the price with your life. You've practised this at bases across America and Russia for many months, let's see how you do for real..." he paused and checked. A piano came down onto the roof. "ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Perkins yelled and "Good Morning" started to play.

"Good Morning, Good Morning! It's great to stay up late! Good Morning, Good Morning to You!

"When the band began to play, the stars were shining bright! But now the milkman's on his way, It's too late to say Good Night!"

"SO SAY GOOD MORNING!"

"Good Morning, sunbeams will soon smile through! Good Morning, Good Morning to You!..."

But then a Kazakhstan guard joined in... "Nothing could be grander than to be in Louisiana, in the morning, in the morn..." he sang as the commandos all slowly stopped. When he realized he was the only one singing, he stopped mid-word. "Oh, sorry. I was under the impression you were all still singin..." he said but then stopped again. He saw the looks on the faces of the commandos, then saw their uniforms. The penny dropped... "Oh shi..." he said before being shot in the back of the head with a silenced pistol. "Let's roll!" Perkins said and the commandos moved off.

Timing their movements perfectly, the group charged into the complex, bashing the doors down. They stealthily moved through the halls and using their sensor-goggles, they mowed down the armed guards before they could even react.

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><p>Several floors down, in a grand master bedroom, a man in his late 50s was woken up by knocking on his floor.<p>

"KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! General Radek!"

"KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! General Radek!"

"KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! General Radek!"

The man, Radek, rolled his eyes. Why did he hire this guard?! He was... crazy! "What?" he snapped. The doors flew open and 2 guards ran in. "Sir, we have to go! Assassins are in the compound!" One said, panicked. Radek glared. "Well, of course assassins are in the compound. That's your job name!" he snapped. "Actually, boss..." a voice piped up. It was Radek's goldfish, Klaus. "...he means there are assassins in the compound HERE TO KILL YOU!". Radek did a double-take as he realized what Klaus was saying with horror. But before the guards could do anything else, they were shot in the back by the commandos who rushed in and took Radek at gunpoint. "COME WITH US NOW!" Perkins roared and before Radek could do anything else, he was being hauled up and forced out of the room.

"Wait, I need my goldfish!" Radek cried. Perkin's partner sighed and grabbed the fish bowl as the group left the room. Outside, a helicopter flew out of the sky and slowed to a stop just hovering above the complex walls. The group of commandos forced their way onto the roof towards the helicopter, fending off gunshots from Radek's guards at the same time. Finally, the commandos on the helicopter grabbed a hold of Radek and forced him onboard whilst taking Klaus and placing him into a fishtank positioned behind the pilot. "Well, this totally doesn't seem like a recipe for disaster!" he said rather sarcastically.

The commandos who had captured Radek finally boarded the helicopter and it prepared to leave. But just as it was slowly moving upwards, there was a blood-curdling scream. Perkins had taken a bullet in the waist. "OW, OW, OW!" he cried repeatedly; he had wanted the mission to be flawless and it so nearly had been too. Luckily, his group knew what to do. They grabbed a bazooka and launched it at the firing soldiers. An explosion rang out and the soldiers flew in all different positions as the helicopter finally left, but then... "THE TANK BROKE, GET THAT FISH BACK IN ITS BOWL!"


	3. The Longest Chicken

Air Force Dad – The Lengths a Chicken will Go To!

**NOTE: I own nothing, as always.**

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><p>Moscow – 3 weeks later<p>

It was a cold, dark night at the Kremlin. Temperatures were below freezing, so inside the giant complex, heating was on at full power. In the grand hall of the Kremlin, 3 long tables that stretched from one end of the hall to the other were laid out with every seat taken by a large number of men and women. On a table in front of large glass windows and in front of all the other tables were 6 men, all conversing with one another. One, however, said silently. A big build, combed black hair, black tie and black jacket/ against a white shirt. He looked to the man on his left who looked back at him when he noticed he was being looked at.

All it took was a simple nod and he stood up suddenly, moving to a large podium with a microphone. He tapped it and the backlash reverberated around the room. "Sorry" he said hastily, though he actually spoke it in Russian. A translator said the actual English word a second later. The room noise started to die down and the man spoke again. "For those of who you don't know, I am Russian President Pedrov" he spoke in Russian with the English translation a few seconds later. "Ladies and gentleman, 3 weeks ago, Russian and American special forces apprehended the self-proclaimed leader of Kazakhstan, General Ivan Radek" he continued in the same Russian but-translated-into-English way. Some people listened to the English translation through an old walkie talkie-like object.

Two people who used this method were sitting right next to each other, identified so far by their name placement: one was Lloyd Shepherd, a large man with glasses and the other was Jack Doherty, a slim man in a silver rather than black outfit with a bald head. "...The forces of Radek were directed towards the suppression of democracy. His nuclear arsenal could have bought the world... into a new cold war" Pedrov continued and both Shepherd and Doherty turned their attention to the big built man. It was clear they knew him. "But thanks to the support of one of the world's greatest leaders, Radek is now in prison. Today, we are honouring that men. Ladies and gentleman, my friend... the President of the United States!" Pedrov finished and as the room gave a loud round of applause, the President rose, walking to the podium. Clearing his throat, he started.

"The dead remember our indifference; the dead remember our silence. I came here tonight to be congratulated. But today, when I visited the Red Cross camps, overwhelmed by the flood of refugees fleeing the horror of Kazakhstan, I realize I don't deserve to be congratulated. None of us do. The truth is we acted too late..." Doherty's eyes rose in shock and he tapped Shepherd on the shoulder. "What the hell is he playing at, that's not the bloody speech!" he hissed quietly. "How should I know?" came the simple reply. Doherty sighed; Shepherd was known for being stubborn when it came to the President's matters and refusing to diverge.

"...did we act. Radek's regime murdered over 200,000 men, women and children and we watched it on TV. We let it happen. People were being slaughtered for over a year and we issued economic sanctions and hid behind the rhetoric of diplomacy. How dare we? The dead remembered: real peace is not just the absence of conflict, it's the presence of justice. And tonight I come to you with a pledge to change America's policy. Never again will I allow our political self-interest to deter us from doing what we know to be morally right. Atrocity and terror are not political weapons, and to those who would use them, your day is over. We will never negotiate. We will no longer tolerate and we will no longer be afraid. It's your turn to be afraid".

The room grew deathly quiet; no-one knew quite what to say, then Shepherd clapped. Followed by a few guards. Followed by Doherty. Then the room erupted into applause. The President smiled. But then there came a loud, "Mr President, LOOK OUT!" and a guard ran up, throwing himself over the President. The two fell behind the table as a gunshot rang out. Luckily, Shepherd had spotted something in the ceiling and shot at it repeatedly. Bullets entered the ceiling and a portion fell down, bringing with it... a large yellow chicken who crashed onto the soup portion of the table. He pulled himself up and was met with a lot of shocked faces. He scanned the room and found who had shot him down from the ceiling.

His eyes narrowed when he saw Shepherd. As dramatic music started playing, Shepherd spoke to those surrounding the chicken. "DON'T WORRY, GUYS! He's mine!" he roared and came face-to-face to him. The chicken threw himself at Shepherd who threw him in return onto the tables with one of the planks sticking out, enabling Shepherd to jump up and onto the plank-end sticking out. The resulting gravity movement sent the chicken onto one of the many chandeliers, hanging on for dear life. Suddenly, the chandelier came crashing down for no reason and whilst the chicken got out of the way in time, glass flew everywhere. Shepherd, however, was undeterred and body-slammed the chicken. So hard in fact, that the two went right through the large doors.

The two exchanged punches brutally, heading down a long hall as they did... and then fell down a hole in the floor! Still exchanging punches, the chicken was forced back through a door which revealed a rather technologically advanced room. Suddenly taking advantage of Shepherd not looking, the chicken grabbed him and threw him into a control panel, managing to drag a red lever down. All of a sudden, the whole Kremlin started to shake violently and the 4 corners of the structure moved outwards. Inside the main hall, people were trying to determine what was happening when they suddenly moved several feet upwards as the whole structure started to move upwards; the 4 extended corners were in fact aeroplane engines positioned downwards! Inside the control room, Shepherd was starting to gain the upper hand and using a fire extinguisher, slammed the chicken onto the panel.. managing to press a green button which moved the engines so they were facing the back of the building.

Suddenly... SCHROOM! The whole building went several miles down Moscow at lightning quick speed, moving and dodging other buildings thanks to Shepherd and the chicken moving the control gears whilst exchanging the punches. Whilst good for everyone inside, it wasn't so good for the nervous systems as the swaying and constant moving meant everyone was starting to feel sick. Eventually, the flying Kremlin left land and started to move over the ocean at very high speeds... so fast, it flew right past Chuck Yeager! "What the?!" he cried as he saw the building fly into the distance. Land was re-approaching, only the Kremlin was still flying rather low... so low in fact that the building and its occupants risked a high-speed crash into the Empire State Building 5th floor.

"Not if I have anything to do with it!" Shepherd yelled and he pulled the throttles up before kicking the chicken onto the other side of a room. As soon as the Kremlin was clear of the building, Shepherd pushed the levels back down just as the chicken jumped onto them, covering his eyes. Inside the main hall, the occupants were experiencing crippling G-Forces from the building falling so fast. "STOP THIS CRAZY THING!" George Jetson yelled, trying to regain his balance. Finally, back inside the control room, Shepherd threw the chicken off him and reset the throttles to avoid crashing straight into the ground. The chicken was no way in sight so Shepherd reset co-ordinates for Moscow only the reason why he couldn't see the chicken was because he was ABOVE him! The chicken had grabbed a large spanner and was about to jump onto the unsuspecting Shepherd when the man in mention looked up and just avoided the jump... only the chicken's spanner instead hit the control panel.

If everyone inside the main hall had felt merely sick from what had happened to them, then they'd feel like they'd exploded from going this fast! The Kremlin DOUBLED its original speed and flew over all of America within less than 5 minutes before finally, the chicken punched Shepherd hard into a wall and re-set the control panel to head back in the direction of Moscow. The complex did a U-turn and headed away from the States, with the sharpness of the U-turn actually sending Shepherd flying back to the wall, before the chicken pounced onto the defenceless man.

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><p>Several miles down the Atlantic Ocean, Thunderbird 1 was heading in the same direction the Kremlin was now going. "Thunderbird 1 to Base, base from Thunderbird 1" Scott Tracy spoke into his headset. "Go ahead, Scott" his father, Jeff, replied. "I seem to have lose contact with Virgil and Alan, they're not showing up on radar" Scott explained, concerned. "Don't worry, it's probably interference, there's a thick fog several miles below you" Jeff assured his eldest son. Scott was about to reply when his radar picked something up. "Hold on, radar's back... Wait a minute, that can't be Virgil, that's much too fast for even Thunderbird 1!" he exclaimed as the new blip on the radar moved faster and faster towards the center. "Scott, what's going...?" "I'LL CALL YOU BACK, DAD! HAVE TO AVOID A CRASH!" Scott yelled as he moved his levels. Thunderbird 1 went up with the rocket thrusters lifting the machine, just in time as the Kremlin thundered by!<p>

"Scott? Scott?!" Jeff cried. "I'm fine, Dad. But some giant thing nearly crashed right into me. It's going much too fast, Virgil will never move out the way!" Scott yelled and moved more levels to go even faster. "THUNDERBIRD 2, COME IN! VIRGIL, MOVE OUT OF YOUR FLIGHT-PATH NOW!" Scott screamed, desperately hoping his brothers heard him. Even further down the Atlantic, more towards Ireland, Thunderbird 2 was lost in thick fog. "I can't see a thing! And the bloody radar is down!" Virgil complained bitterly, he hated fog so much. Suddenly, he saw a moving light. "Wait a minute, we must be near Ireland! Whenever there's thick fog, a lighthouse on the Irish coast lights up!" Alan realized. "And if there's an Irish lighthouse, there's an airport! Good thinking, Alan!" his older brother beamed and moved his control wheel down to move the giant machine down towards the sea...

...and literally just in time, as just as T2 reached 30,000 feet, the Kremlin roared past with the turbulence slamming down on Virgil and Alan! "ALAN, THRUSTERS!" Virgil yelled desperately, determined to re-right Thunderbird 2. He did, just above an airport runway. Virgil looked out of his viewscreen. "What WAS that?!" he gaped. Back in the Kremlin, the chicken was laying right into Shepherd who appeared completely motionless. Not that the chicken cared very much at all as he punched, punched and punched him. Only he was so pre-occupied that he didn't realize the control panel had picked something falling towards them. A large ship with large, smoking engines that was controlled by one man. A white, tall man who looked like he was sweating pounds as he rushed around the ship bridge. "SET DESTINATION; THE SWISS ALPS!" he cried, trying to make himself heard over the constant noise of the bridge.

"ENGINES COMPROMISED, CONFIRM ORDER!" came the monotone computer reply. "Confirm..." the man said before he looked out of the viewscreen and saw a large flying building heading straight towards the ship. Inside the Kremlin, the computer controlling the building finally took action. "Collision imminent, autopilot deactivating" and just like that, the whole Kremlin started to drop. The ship flew right past and the turbulence around it was enough to drag the Kremlin down with it. The chicken was thrown against the panel and he realized, along with the ship, they were on collision course with the Swiss Alps. The chicken, realizing what was happening, pulled upwards on the control panel, desperately trying to avoid collision.

Finally, he pulled the Kremlin up and whilst it avoided the mountains, the large ship smashed through and down the mountains. With yet another danger avoided, the chicken reset auto-pilot. "We are 1 minute from Moscow" the auto-pilot declared and the chicken started heading towards the point of take-off, hoping to get the president when he was most vulnerable. "30 seconds..." auto-pilot said. "...25..." "...20...". However, what no-one had realized was that Shepherd was still alive. Bloodied and battered, but still alive. He moved behind the unaware chicken and made a run-up. The chicken turned just in time to see Shepherd slam into him and he flew out the control room viewscreen landing not far from where the Kremlin had taken off. He landed hard on the ground and as he tried to pull himself up, he realized that the building was coming in to land... RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!

"Farr-clucckkk!" he cried in horror as the Kremlin crashed on top of him, which then scraped along the ground violently. But what Shepherd realized as he went to turn off the power for the controls, was that they were going much too fast to stop in time! He pulled on the levers desperately, which was ineffective. Suddenly, he felt sudden jerks and looked on the security cameras. Spiderman was just above the bottom, using several web-strings attached to nearby buildings and pulling on them, Superman was at the top pushing as hard as he could whilst Iron Man and several Iron Man drones were pushing all around. They were slowing down...

CRASH!

The building shook and Shepherd realized; they had stopped. The Kremlin was in its original place and there was no sign of the chicken. He climbed his way out of the building and saw Superman, Spiderman and the Iron Man drones flying away. "THANK YOU!" Shepherd cried and he headed back inside to speak with the President. Underneath the building lay the pulped remains of the chicken. Who then started to move his hand. His iPhone was ringing and he put it as close to his head as possible.

"Hello? Ah. Um, I nearly killed him. Some fat guy got in the way. Er, you might want to get ahead with Plan B... Yeah, hijack Air Force One. I honestly don't know why we agreed with this plan. Ok, bye".

He threw the phone away. "I hate my life".

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><p><strong>NOTE: This is, without a doubt, the longest chapter I've written. Now I know how the FG writers do it, SO MANY PAGES of chicken fight chapters...<strong>


	4. We have Engaged the Boarding

Air Force Dad – We Have Engaged the Boarding!

**Notes: Again, I OWE NOTHING!**

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><p>Everyone stumbled out of the Kremlin, some turning green with utter envy, others spinning like a record and the rest vomiting repeatedly from experiencing such G-Forces. Doherty stumbled out, nearly falling onto Shepherd who was surveying the scene; but since he'd spent the whole time fighting the chicken, he didn't know what was happening to everyone else and appeared baffled as to why they were acting like they were. "Eh, Shepherd, why the hell have you not experienced anything? You know, spinning, vomiting?" Doherty asked, bewildered. "I dunno. I was fighting the guy trying to assassinate Jim, why should I know anything about this lot?" he gestured.<p>

Speaking of Jim, the President walked out, head shaking. "Sir!" Shepherd ran up to his boss and shook him repeatedly, in the belief his head would stop shaking. "Mission complete; would-be killer is dead as a dodo!" he smiled. Then he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head. "OW!" he yelled and turned... to see a dodo. "Don't insult my people!" he snapped and flew away. Shepherd turned when the President spoke. "Cheers, Lloyd. Though next time, try and use a basic method; like, you know, a gun or a knife!" Marshall stated with a hint of sarcasm, which of course went right over Shepherd. "Anyhow, the motorcade is ready. Let's go home!" he continued, pushing Shepherd to the cars and picking Doherty up. "By the way, how did you like the speech?" he asked his colleagues. "It was good" Shepherd replied. Several feet behind him, though, stood Captain Blackadder, Lt. George and Private Baldrick. "What do you think of the speech, sirs?" Baldrick asked his superiors. "I liked it; bravo, I say!" George said, enthusiasm showing. Blackadder, however, was much more refined. "Bravo, George?! To put it bluntly, it started badly, tailed off a little in the middle and the less said about the end, the better!". "Other than that, you liked it, sir?" Baldrick asked. "Yes, I thought it was the greatest speech since your ancestor's attempt, George, at writing one for his father!" Blackadder stated statistically. Of course, it flew right over their heads.

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><p>Meanwhile, standing at Sheremetyevo International Airport, was a large Boeing 747, painted white and blue and very heavily guarded. Dogs sniffed through the luggage and passengers onboard the plane went through several security checks, with the last one being operated by Wallace and Gromit. After a while, the pilots and the flight engineer came through. Just to clarify who they are, one was a dog, one was a bespectacled man with ginger hair and the other was an African-American baby with a large head of hair. The dog passed through without a hitch, though with suspicious looks from Gromit as he was body-checked. The bespectacled man passed through without a hitch. But when it came to the baby, the alarms blared off and he was immediately body-checked by Gromit. "What is it, lad?" Wallace asked. Gromit felt a bulge in one of the baby's jacket pockets and found a rather large pocket-knife. Gromit glared at him, demanding answers. "I always take that pocket-knife with me, in case of an emergency" was his reply.<p>

"Well, I think it would be better if it was given to one of the pilots. They at least don't look like thugs" Wallace suggested. The baby sighed and handed over the knife as he went up the stairs towards the open plane door.

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><p>Back near the Kremlin, the motorcade had started off on its journey to the airport, driving through the main roads and passing Russian fan-girls screaming as the cars drove by, all whilst being forced back by police-officers. "No-one in my family has had to do this much pushing since my ancestor tried to move his drinks cabinet 6 inches closer to Berlin!" one officer yelled.<p>

_Indeed, this was the case. The officer's ancestor was Field Marshall Douglas Haig and the year was 1917. He stood in front of his drinks cabinet, sweating and shirtless. "Alright, you bastard; I said I'd move you 6 inches closer to that wall and I swear I will move you!" he snarled and he charged forward. He pushed and pushed with all his might, but the drinks cabinet moved about 2cm, then 1 cm, then half a cm, until finally Haig gave up. "This will never work; someone send a telegram to General Melchett. Tell him my attempt to literally move the cabinet has failed and that the soldiers must go over the top!" he called out._

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><p>Back at the airport, 2 Secret Service agents were waiting by the first security check when one of them noticed a group of men approaching. "Gentlemen, welcome to Air Force One. Please drop your bags for inspection and go through these security checks" he spoke as the group of 6 dropped bags. One man, the head of the group, looked baffled. "What the douche? We were checked, checked and double checked at the gate" he spoke honestly, bewildered as to facing more security checks. "Sir, you are outside Air Force One. Might I remind you that..." the agent spoke again, but he was stopped. "Oh, of course, my apologies" the head of the group interrupted. He turned to the other 5 men. "Do what he says" he told them, in Russian. He moved towards a finger-scanning device and pressed his thumb down. Several seconds later, his details popped up.<p>

He was Ivan Kurshunov, born in 1958, just outside Russia. He looked at his details firmly before going through the security checks.

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><p>The motorcade was powering through Russian roads and through heavily guarded streets, nearing closer towards the airport. Inside one car was Marshall, Shepherd and Doherty. "Look, I know it sounded controversial and all, but on the whole, it was bold and daring. In case you've forgotten, when Jim was elected, people wanted him to be bold and daring" Doherty spoke into his phone before hanging up. "What's the Washington verdict?" Marshall asked his NSA. "They're hating you for it" Doherty explained. "They'll warm to it, I'm sure" Shepherd spoke and Doherty rose an eyebrow. "You're being optimistic, Lloyd. From what I gathered, people were predicting favour turning against Jim". "Let them do that; Jim will prove them wrong" Lloyd insisted, a smug look on his face. Doherty sighed.<p>

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><p>Back at the airport, the 6-man crew had finally cleared the countless security checks and were met by a cheerful-looking woman with a strawberry blonde bob. "Hi there, guys; Melanie Mitchell!" she said with a smile as he shook Kurshunov's hand. "If you'd like to come with me, I'll give you a full guided tour of this fantastic plane" she explained as she turned back towards the presidential aircraft. As the group headed up the ramp to the plane, Mitchell started speaking again. "Ok, so what's gonna happen is we'll take off..."<p>

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><p>The motorcade was continuing on its route, which went onto one of Moscow's many express-ways. Inside the President's car, Jack was confused. "Why are we taking so long? It wasn't this long when we first went to the Kremlin". Jim looked out the window, in the hopes there would be a clue as to why they were taking so long. They had stopped just short of a bridge. Then... WHAM! A large creature had landed on the motorcade cars in front of them but missed the President's by a metre of metres. The creature was hauled back up by a Jaegar robot and thrown into the distance with the Jaegar running after it. "And the point of that was...?" asked Jack. "Fleeting cameo. You'll see a lot more in this story" Shepherd explained like as if he'd seen it all before. Jack lost patience. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND I KNOW NOTHING?!" he yelled. "Someone's been reading too many fanfiction parodies" Shepherd responded calmly before looking at the writer and winking. Doherty gave up and put his head in his hands. He really didn't understand Shepherd sometimes.<p>

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><p>Back on the plane, Mitchell was half-way through giving the news crew their tour. "So down here, we've got all of the President's staff, his cabinet, the works" she explained as she left the crew through the cabin. "Along here, we've got the conference room for discussions and potential emergencies" she explained, showing off the exterior of the room. "Hello" Kurshunov said politely to a couple of Secret Service agents positioned behind the conference room. The 3 men he was speaking to looked baffled, but never-the-less returned the favour, though one remained silent. He was overly bald with a very large head. He looked sharply into Kurshunov's eyes, who returned the favour. "Ok, down here, we've got something special" Mitchell spoke, carrying on with the tour. The group moved along to what Mitchell was talking about. At first, it appeared to be just a staircase, but... "I know what you're thinking, but trust me, this staircase leads to not just the cockpit but also a communication, satellite, weapons and computer system rolled into one. State-of-the-art. You could run an army, DC, heck even the whole world from up there!" Mitchell stated proudly.<p>

The 6 men looked impressed. One of them, a large man, whispered into Kurshonov's ear. "What's he saying?" Mitchell asked. "He wants to know whether you could order a pizza from up there?" Kurshunov asked. Mitchell looked puzzled. "Um, you could do. We've never really been tested for something along those lines". The man seemed to accept the answer, just as Mitchell caught something from the corner of her eye. "Oh! Looks like our commander in chief's here. I'm gonna show you to your seats very quickly" she explained and led them back towards the cabin.

Outside, the motorcade finally arrived. A Secret Service agent, as soon as Marshall's car was in front of him, opened the door and... Doherty ran out, up the ramp and into the plane angrily. The agent looked towards Shepherd, who shrugged. "Must not like Russia very much". The agent accepted that and turned towards the waiting press. "Ladies and gentleman, the moment you've all been waiting for... President James Marshall!" he spoke and the second he finished, the press cheered and clapped as Marshall climbed out, waving to the crowd. He ran up the ramp, still waving before disappearing into the plane with Shepherd not far behind. Inside, the large-headed and bald agent greeted him. "Mr President" he smiled. "Hello, Gibbs" Marshall replied. "Mr Shepherd" the agent, now known as Gibbs continued, speaking with Lloyd. "Gibbs" the Chief of Staff replied. "No sign of the women-folk?" Marshall asked. "No, sir. Ballet finished on time, but their motorcade was stuck in traffic. From what Agent Roth told me, a giant creature and some robot were fighting on the express-way" Gibbs explained. "Mr President" came a voice and up came a black haired man in a US Air Force uniform, with a folder in his hand. "For you, sir" he explained, handing it over. "Thank you, Caldwell. You know what, Gibbs, let's... go to Barbados!" Marshall suggested to the group of men, which got a laugh out of all 4 of them.

"Follow me, Shep" Marshall said as he headed down the hall, exchanging greetings from agents and officers a-like. The two walked into Marshall's office, talking about a lot of political stuff along the way. Trust me, you're better off not knowing. "Now that that's sorted, did someone record the game?" Marshall asked. "Yes, boss. I made sure of it before we left. And don't worry, everyone who does know the result has been sworn to secrecy" Shepherd explained. "Cheers, Shep. You're a pal" Jim smiled. Then there came a knock at the door. "Come" both men spoke at the same time and an African-American woman came in. "Sorry to interrupt, Mr President. But I've been asked to ask you a couple of questions by a news crew. Firstly, what is life like at the White House?" she spoke. Marshall and Shepherd looked at each other, bewildered, before Marshall turned to the woman. "Life? LIFE?! There IS no life at the White House!" he spoke.

Outside the plane, another motorcade had turned up. The agent who had opened up for Marshall opened up again. Emerging head-first was a blonde-haired woman, very tall. "Sorry, Ma'am... your wig" the agent spoke. The woman looked up and sighed. She stuck her hand into the car and a black wig was placed in it. "Why on earth I have to have black hair in this story, I've no idea" she grumbled as she stuck the wig on. She turned to the agent, who looked a bit surprised. "Sorry, Tom. I guess I'm just a bit cheesed off from that monster attack" she explained. "No worries, ma'am. Couldn't have seen that coming. Hope the ballet was good" Tom replied. "It was, for sure. You should have come" the woman taunted. Tom threw his hands up in mock defeat. "Come on, Alice. Your father's waiting. You'll have more than enough time to finish your game on the plane" the woman turned back into the game and a girl in her pre-teens emerged. The two walked straight up to the ramp, though Alice did stop for a quick photo at the insistence of the press.

Inside the plane, Marshall decided to get a bit of shut-eye before they had to depart. But Alice had other ideas. She quietly snuck into the small office and whispered to her mom, "Dad's asleep". But she clearly didn't whisper it quieter enough as her Dad spoke. "How was the ballet?" was all he could get out before Alice jumped right on top of him. "IT WAS GREAT!" she yelled as she landed on him. "ARGH!" Marshall yelled jokingly and started to tickle Alice almost instantly. Alice's mom came in just in time to see the two completely play-fighting. "Did you like it? Did you like it?" Marshall asked through the tickling with Alice struggling to get out an answer through her laughter. Finally, they stopped just as Shepherd came in. "Boss..." he spoke before seeing the scene before him. Both Marshall and Alice had the decency to look a bit embarrassed. "Sorry, Shep. What's up?" Marshall asked. "Everyone's on board, but we have to go ahead of schedule; that monster clash we saw is getting nearer to the airport. And because this story's writer can't be bothered to write anymore for this scene" Shepherd explained.

"Right. Ok, thanks for telling me" Marshall replied. As everyone rushed to their seats, the cockpit crew got ready to turn on the engines. "Ok, roger, Air Force One. Runway is clear, you are cleared to depart" came the voice of the air traffic controller. "Thank you, Moscow and thank you for having us" The bespectacled pilot spoke as he moved the throttle to start the plane. After several manoeuvres, the plane took off... just as Woody and Jessie used one of the wheels to escape and land on Bullseye, being controlled by Buzz. "WE DID IT! HA-HA!" Jessie declared, ecstatic. "Your hat, partner" Buzz spoke as he handed Woody's hat to the cowboy. Suddenly, another plane just missed them. "Let's go home..." Woody suggested.

* * *

><p><strong>Note: I know this chapter and the last were very long. But Air Force One is a big film to parody. I'll try and cut out some of the useless parts for further chapters but you're looking at a big story.<strong>


	5. Hijack-Elation (1)

**Note: See Chapter 1**

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><p>Air Force One flew through the cold night-sky almost silently. So silently in fact that you could hear a mouse in the cargo hold. Onboard the plane, the woman who we could finally identify as the First Lady was covering a sleeping Alice up with a blanket, before turning off the lights and heading into a side room. She sat on the desk and picked up a photo that sat down on her husband's desk; it was of her, Jim and Alice from a few weeks back. It had been Shepherd's 50th birthday and it was perhaps the first time in a while that they'd really had some fun time as a family.<p>

She looked at the photo; she was wearing a purple sash with her name on it. Grace. "Oh finally, I'm named in this story.." she muttered. The photo saw Grace being picked up by Jim who was trying to avoid being overbalanced by Alice who was holding one of his legs. Grace just smiled at what she saw. The last weeks had been stressful and they needed to do something like this again.

* * *

><p>Several miles up ahead, the sky seemed empty. Until a large crack appeared in the sky and it split open. Out flew 4 small planes and the crack closed up. The planes were a range of different colours; red, purple, green and blue. They were the Vulture Squadron. And their leader, Dick Dastardly, looked almost lost. "Hold on a minute; Klunk, where are we?" he asked the pilot of the blue plane. "Give me a second, DD and I'll <strong>WHEE DONK BAAA<strong> find out for you!" Klunk replied, pulling out a strange small machine. "I hope we haven't gone too far" Dick said to no-one. "Everything looks the same from up here, DD, how do you know we're lost?" the green plane pilot, Zilly, asked. "Well, doesn't you feel colder to you than it usually is?" Dastardly pointed out.

Meanwhile, the purple plane pilot, Muttley, was having a look around and spotted something behind him. He pulled out some binoculars and recoiled in shock at what he saw; a large plane coming towards them! He tried to signal the others, but Dastardly was busy. "Well, Klunk?" he asked. "Found it, chief! The **BING BOW** year is **RRRIP PANG HEW CA COOO...** 2014?!" he explained before looking shocked at what he stated. "**2014?!"** both Zilly and Dastardly yelled. "Oh dear, oh my, we seem to have gone forwards in time!" Zilly cried before pulling his head into his jacket. Muttley started to whine desperately, trying to get Dastardly's attention. "Huh? What's wrong, Muttley?" Dick asked and got a finger point in the opposite direction. The large plane was coming right towards them!

"YIKES! EVERYONE, GET OUT THE WAY!" he yelled and he, Muttley and Klunk moved in opposite directions. Zilly was still in the line of fire, however. "ZILLY! GET OUT THE WAY, QUICK!" Dastardly yelled, this time showing genuine concern for his cowardly co-pilot. "I can't, I'm too scared!" he called. "MUTTLEY, GET ZILLY QUICKLY!" Dastardly yelled to his canine companion. Muttley usually only went if he got a medal out of it, but he didn't need medal coaxing this time; one of his co-pilots was in danger and he wasn't gonna let him die. Rushing back to Zilly's plane, he pulled out a large hook attached to rope and threw it onto the green plane; it attached firmly and Muttley pulled up, just as the large plane came into view! "MUTTLEY!" Dastardly cried, just as the canine pulled hard on the rope and both Muttley and Zilly flew all over the full top of the plane. They were safe.

As soon as Dastardly and Klunk saw the plane move further away, they rejoined the Squardon. Zilly had the grace to re-appear. "Well THAT was far too close for comfort..." Dastardly spoke, exhausted. "Klunk, what was that?" he continued. Klunk pulled out his small machine again. "According to this, DD, that is the presidential plane of the United States of America; AIR FORCE ONE! **CA COO CA**!". Dastardly seemed to accept this. Then... "HANG ON! If that was Air Force One... are we still in German airspace?" he asked. "Yes we **BING BOW** are!" was the reply. "Then why is the President of America in German airspace?!" now Dastardly was confused. "Like I said, Chief, we seem to have gone forward in time to 2014!" Klunk pointed out. "Oh yes, of course! Forgot about that!"

"Should we follow them?" Zilly asked. "I guess. I mean, there's no sign of the pigeon. We need something to do. Squadron, FOLLOW THAT PLANE!" Dastardly declared and the 4 planes started to follow Air Force One.

* * *

><p>"Boss? Boss?" Shepherd whispered into Marshall's ear. Marshall woke up suddenly. "Hmm?" he asked. "You asked me to wake you up when Caldwell was through with all the political nonsense" the Chief of Staff whispered. Marshall looked around, all eyes were on him. "You ok, Mr President? Giggity" Caldwell, who was standing next to the whiteboard, asked. "Yes.. um, everything you said, take action on". Caldwell's eyes rose. "Everything, sir? Even the last point?" he asked. "Yes, especially the last bit!" Marshall snapped. Shepherd then whispered into his ear.<p>

"Oh. Um... scratch that. Take no action on the last point" Marshall backtracked. "Man, that would have been embarrassing. I would have been public enemy no. 1 with the fans of Father Ted if I did that..." Trust me, you don't want to know what he could have ordered...

* * *

><p>Outside Air Force One, the Vulture Squadron were about half a mile from the back of the plane. Suddenly, the phone rang. "Hello?" Dastardly replied. What came were several unintelligible sentences. It was the General. "Oh, hello, General... what, the pigeon's been sighted inside our hangar? Well, we would go after him but... we've sometime landed in 2014. And at the minute, we're going after a large plane.. Well, sir, we can't exactly go back to our original time, we don't even know how we got to 2014..." Dastardly tried to explain but kept being shouted at. Suddenly, Dastardly snapped... "OH YOU KNOW WHAT! SCREW YOU, GENERAL! IF YOU SO MUCH AS KEEP PHONING US WITH YOUR CONSTANT PETTY DEMANDS WHEN WE CAN'T GET BACK TO THE 1940S, THEN JUST Beep DEAL WITH IT, YOU SELFISH AND UNGRATEFUL LITTLE Beeeeeeep! WE HAVE DONE Beep EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DEMANDED OF US AND YOU NEVER APPRECIATE OUR ACTIONS! WELL, BEEEEEPPPPPP! YOU!" Dick snapped and hung on, throwing the phone downwards towards the ground.<p>

He looked at the Squadron; they never looked so white and so shocked before. "Was... that.. your..." Zilly asked. "... **CLUCK CA KINK** bad side, chief?" and Klunk finished. Dastardly sighed. "Well, he deserved it. A new day is upon us, Vulture Squadron! One where we are FREE of that stupid General! We know make our own decisions and our first one; GO AFTER THAT PLANE!" he declared and the Squadron moved closer and closer to Air Force One.

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><p>In the cabin, the 6 reporters were relaxing in their chairs. Except for one. Kurshunov kept looking around him and checking his watch. The person sitting next to him, identified by his shirt as Kolchak, lost patience. "Ivan, calm down. We'll get notified soon. Just relax; I mean, the iPads have Candy Crush Saga on them!" he pointed out and showed the iPad just to prove his point. He was on Level 562. Kurshunov sighed and pulled out his iPad.<p>

Further down the cabin, Agent Gibbs snuck out of a room and headed down through towards near the reporters. He greeted and nodded at people who spoke to him, before picking up a series of documents and headed to a group of people sitting and guarding some kind of bay. "Hey, guys. Read through these documents and then we can give our view to Marshall" he spoke as he handed out the documents before turning around to face the bay. He pressed a button on his shirt and a large number of metal plates started surrounding him. The men with the documents watched in shock as what replaced Gibbs was a large metal monster who promptly turned around and shot all 3 of them. But before the last one was killed, he quickly asked a question; "Gibbs, why are you inside a ED-209? A bit outdated, aren't they?". For that, he got more bullets pumped into him. The helmet rose up to reveal Gibbs who replied; "For your information, it's the Rhino!" he snapped as the metal process reversed and he returned to normal.

He opened up the weapons-bay and pulled out a smoke grenade, throwing it near the cabin area that the reporters were in. He then departed like nothing had happened, but not before randomly shooting someone. "There's only room for one Gibbs in this film!" he muttered. Turns out his victim was Leroy Jethro Gibbs. "I outsmart terrorists and yet I'm killed by a Secret Service agent. Oh, the humility..."

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><p><strong>Note: This is like the Harry Potter 7 P1 of chapters. The next chapter will be SO MUCH MORE ACTION-PACKED<strong>


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